Starting a new Journey

You know, life sometimes takes you on a journey you didn't exactly see as your plan in life. And a lot of times you just have to "roll with it". That's kind of what I'm doing these days.
So where have I been the last LONG forever? Living life.. busy- volunteering, working my Scentsy business, spending time with my husband & boys- traveling - so pretty much EVERYWHERE! <3
BUT life has me starting a new journey and I've been itching to "tell my story" so here I am back on my blog! (YAY?- I sure hope so!!)

For this journey we are going to have to go waaaaaaaaay back to when I was a young girl and I'll bring you up to what's going on today. So I grew up in Northeast Florida. I'm the oldest of 3 daughters (biologically- I have 3 step-brothers who came into the picture when I was older). I grew up in a pretty traditional home- had a mom & dad and a cat & dog (and sometimes a small farm lol). When I was in 4th grade I had my first boyfriend (if you can really call it? a school yard crush maybe?). When we came back to school after summer break I saw him on one of the sidewalks outside and he said something to the effects of "wow, did you sit on the couch and eat all summer" or something like that- looking at pictures of my 5th grade self I was not overweight by no stretch of the imagination- I don't even really look that much heavier when I see the photos. BUT from that point forward I was never the "skinny" one. I wasn't the "fat" one either- I was kinda somewhere in the middle- we used to call it "big boned" LOL. Fast forward a few years- when I was a senior in high school I decided I wanted to join the Army. I met a recruiter and started to talk about my options- he told me I was overweight- not a whole lot but enough that I had to lose about 5 or 10 lbs to join and leave for basic. I believe this was my first diet ever. But I did it- I lost the weight and joined the Army and left for Basic Training. My first duty station was Fort Polk, Louisiana. It was here that I met and married my husband. At that point in my army career I was borderline over weight but I always made "tape" meaning that they used a tape measure on certain parts of my body to say that I wasn't fat, just heavy. (I think it's a way of figuring out your BMI) any who- I was like that the entire first 2 years of my Army career. In February of 1997 I went off of birth control to start trying to get pregnant- and thus it began- I began packing weight on no matter what I did- I got heavier and heavier until I was ultimately discharged from the military on failure to meet the height & weight requirements (not sure how you fail height after you're in.. but whatever). We continued to try to get pregnant and sometime about 2 years after beginning trying I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This was probably 1998 maybe? Any who- we began fertility treatments (some of which one of the side effects were weight gain) And gain I did- unfortunately not due to a pregnancy. In between attempting to getting pregnant there was some minimal treatment of the PCOS but not much since it was not very well known. In 2003 we started the adoption process and adopted 2 sons in 2004. At this point I was over weight but not gross- heavier than I wanted but still active to be with my boys and enjoy living in Hawaii. By the time we moved to Tennessee in 2005 I was 28 and still getting heavier. My husband left for his first deployment and I said enough is enough- so I joined a gym, had 4 gym partners and started every little diet out there- the one where you only eat cereal for 2 meals a day, or eat only yogurt for 2 meals a day, I tried a juice diet, and my first low-carb diet. Each thing I did I started out strong- losing 2-3 lbs the first week- and then after 3 weeks the weight loss stopped- so I would move on to the next one- where we lived there was a "diet dr." who prescribed diet medications (I can't help but think that this is kinda sketchy) in an office in a strip mall.. by the time my husband came back I had lost a considerable amount of weight (I might add I did start smoking again also) BUT I got into a car accident and had an injury to my neck & shoulder that prevented me going to the gym for a long while- and quicker than it went off the weight came back- and just to be safe it brought some friends with it :( . Thus began the cycle- I tried tons of other diet plans, all the while gaining even more weight- It didn't matter what i ate, what exercise I did- the gaining wouldn't stop. The doctors kept checking my thyroid which kept coming back normal. We moved again and I started a program with meetings and food journaling and lost 10 lbs. I even had a breast reduction so that I would be able to lose more weight when I was working out.. Then when we moved the next time- those 10 came back with 50 of their friends. No matter what I did, what I tried nothing was working- I even joined one of those super-trendy new type of gyms and worked out til I thought I had died and I only lost about 7 lbs (I was strong as hell- BUT wasn't loosing weight like my gym-mates who joined with me) I was so discouraged- I have several friends who are parts of home based diet companies- I tried their products- some I actually gained on. I saw an endocrinologist for my PCOS and was put on medicines that should help my PCOS and possibly my weight- well that didn't work either. I got so frustrated that I went to my Dr. and begged for a consult for bariatric surgery- and she flat out told me no. That it wasn't a life I wanted to lead- that I wouldn't be able to eat normal foods, never have a glass of wine again, I would always regret it and on and on while I sat there sobbing asking what my options were- she referred me to the nutrition program offered where I live and told me that they prescribe a medication that won't allow you to absorb fat- and basically you have a hard time holding your bowels (EW) I was like I'd rather be fat than need to wear an adult diaper.. (well maybe wouldn't- but neither is an option that I felt was acceptable). I tried a meal-replacement plan not long after that and for 3 weeks literally cried- I went back to see a new doctor and she did some research on the foods I was eating and said that they contained too much soy- and that soy was an estrogen mimicker which is what was causing the crying episodes- she offered a nutrition consult again, and offered an appointment with someone to talk to. Then she offered a consult for bariatric surgery. At first I was scared, then I was nervous, I was excited and dumbfounded. I have several friends who had surgery after my first doctor told me I didn't want to live my life that way- they are all living their lives, some I didn't even know had surgery because in social settings they are just the same as all the other people in our social circles. So I started to do some research- and I met with the surgeon. I talked to a lot of people about having surgery- I listened to their concerns- I weighed (no pun intended) the pros and the cons- and this is what I came up with:
PROs:
losing weight
being able to be more active
being more satisfied with my appearance
more self confidence
less self-loathing
improved health
possible resolution of histuitism (male pattern hair growth- thanks to PCOS)
possible restoration of menstrual function (I'm not hoping to get pregnant- that is not a goal at this point in our lives)
for the first time knowing that I am in control not PCOS
the chance to LIVE my life with no regrets- not holding back because I don't want people to see me (I've been to Cancun & never swam in the ocean because I didn't want people to see me)

CONs:
having to take vitamins every day
the inability to gorge myself (wait- is this really a con?).. probably not
have to buy new clothes (again this shouldn't be a con)
possible hair loss (this usually clears up if you take vitamins & eat the necessary protein by the 18th month)
inability to eat "Dry" meats (well dry meat isn't usually that good anyway
inability to eat sugary foods (this I think will be a good thing also)
having to have surgery (this I'm not looking forward to)

I'm sure there are more Pros/Cons that people would suggest to me- but honestly I promise that I've done my due diligence in looking into surgery- and at this point in my life I'm not sure that I have any other options. I feel like I'm at a ledge- and my choice is to jump off one side or the other- either make peace with being fat for the rest of my life- or jump the other way toward the chance to have a new life- I'm not saying it's going to be easy- God knows that I understand that. I used to think it was the easy way out- and boy did I pass judgement on people about having surgery- and for that I'm sorry- because what I didn't realize then is that one day I'd be in the exact same spot.. yearning to live my life and stop being weighed (again no pun intended) down by being fat.

So here's where I'm at in my process- My insurance approved my consult with a bariatric surgeon and I've met with him and discussed the options available to me- unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover the newest procedure- gastric sleeve, but they cover gastric bypass (RNY) or the Lap Band. When looking at the statistics of the 2 compared to each other I have decided on the RNY surgery.
I'm now in the pre-op phase- I have several things to do before having surgery- consults, tests, blood work, evaluations, studies etc. I've got a list of things to do before I can have surgery. I want to try to blog though this journey since when I was looking for info on what to expect it was very hard to find good "timeline" info. I'll keep you updated on my progress! ~ <3 Hugs~ C